I have “PTCD”

Sorry it has taken me so long to write.   I have to say… I have been under the weather.  I’ll call it PTCD (Post Traumatic Cruisers Depression).  It has been less than a year since we sold ‘Free Spirit’ and cut our trip short.  In the end, it was not by choice.  If you would have asked me a year earlier I would have been happy to head home and call it quits.  We would have if the boat sold.  See, we just sailed an incredible amount of miles in one season and all the night-time anchor alarms, squalls, storms and everything else that comes with sailing was wearing on me.  As luck would have it, the boat didn’t sell that summer in New Zealand and as our visa expired we were back out on a 9 day passage to Fiji.  Pushing my homesickness aside, we set sail.  That year we discovered that….LESS is MORE!  We went fewer miles and enjoyed so much more.  So much more that my homesickness set sail on its own course in the opposite direction I was heading.   I came to savor every mile, every hike, and every moment with my family.  We built relationships with villages and really got to know them instead of a quick wave and moving on and then saying, “Yes, we’ve been there.”  The question should be, ” have you spent time there?”  

We have been pushing our cruising memories aside and trying to cope with the return to “civilization” and it isn’t going very well.  Every time we pull out our pictures or a memory our hearts sink.  I keep telling Paul that we should be celebrating what we did but I need to practice what I preach.  We didn’t go all the way.  In our hearts we were not done yet.  We didn’t want to go back to the world where Paul only saw the kids on the weekends and one hour during the week.  We want to continue to learn about what is out there.  I want to figure out a way to bring it to everyone and get them started on what they might feel is impossible.  I am finding ways by quick posts on my facebook page ‘sailing moms’ and the numerous emails I get from those of you thinking about heading out, the ones who are out there and need help and the curious.  Some replies are hard because I want to be the ones out there with the questions.  How do you adjust from 5 years of adventure and come back a regular lifestyle?  Feels like cruising down a highway full speed ahead with no cars on the road and then, BANG, you are stuck in traffic for hours and days and weeks and years.  The personality I have is to try to gather a beautiful bouquet of flowers with what I have around me but this time I am really having a hard time searching for those flowers.    I have a few beautiful flowers, the center piece to my bouquet,  but it’s missing something.  I feel like I am tilting my head looking at it and trying to figure out how to make it all work.   It’s proving to be a challenge but I am up for a challenge.


About sailingmoms

Spent the last 5 years of our lives floating around the globe. Amazing how much we have seen, experienced and lived through. Sharing the experience and knowledge with others out there or planning on making the jump.
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2 Responses to I have “PTCD”

  1. Anne de Robillard says:

    Wow that was just so close to home, its taken our family 18 years to try and adjust after our 2 years of sailing. Dare I say we just could not. Our children were 3 and 4 at the time and it made a major difference to there lives and outlooks to life. That is why my hubby and I are signing the papers to buy a new yacht today and do it all over again. Call it a bug but its in the blood. Don’t loose your special memories! Thanks for sharing. Anne

  2. sailingmoms says:

    Thank you for giving me the light at the end of the tunnel. We have already started our “return to sea” fund. Please keep in touch and let me know when you head out.

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